HELLO-GOODBYE
Flower means simplicity.
and it's you that I desire.
SHOUT OUT LOUD
Tonight I must complete:
-Geography Tutorial 6
-GP essay outline
-Preparation for GP reading lessons tml
Tomorrow:
-EoM by 10pm (soft copy)
-WR to Siew Hoon
Weekends:
-Chinese Essay and the leftover lian xiSSSSS
-Study for Econs Case Study Exam
-Study for Physics Lecture MCQ Test
-Integration Tutorials
To be continued...
I dont wanna do work anymore ): I WANT TO REST! D:
I guess you wont be back. I must keep myself busy till the day I get over you.
Will you be back?
A break?
Oh.
K.
Bye then.
I was relieved when I saw the online message saying that EoM submission is on Friday and WR on Saturday. If not, I would be crushed with tutorials, assignments and PW. Knowing that I'm lagging behind the others so much. I have too little time to waste yes? Oh yea, I'm back to Soprano 2. When am I gonna be at bass? How i wish luh.
No. I wont get carried away by emotions again cos' I'm still waiting. With trust, it's gonna be okay :D
I hate going to school now. I totally dread it, especially when I need to wake up early when my eyes are not even willing to open at all. There's choir practice tomorrow at 9am. Choir finally resumes with NYJC conductor. Heard from I forgot who, he's like the 2nd Mr Liew :X which means all the best to me :D But thinking of it, I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow's practice cos' I miss Mr Liew and the way he jokes and scold us.
Promos in less than 2months. D: ChuiLaam ah, work hard luh.
Today, you made me fall back in love with you once again.
Last night, I told you. Finally, I plucked up my courage to tell you. It's not because I dont love you, but I know it's the right thing to do. You're busy with your exams and I'm just being a burden to you. It hurts to put up a strong front in front of you when my heart is bleeding but I gotta do it. I'm not confident at all that we will get back together after your exam. I'm taking a risk cos' I know it's not worth it to flunk an important exam because of a relationship. I've undergo this before, that's why I know. It's hard to make this decision but for the sake of not letting you regret, I would rather suffer this pain all by myself. I've counted the days, it's around 120days which is 4 months long. I can take up this challenge right?
You may not be thinking of me right now. You may hate me for doing this. You may not love me after that 4months. Or maybe, you already dont love me. Who knows? I'm not afraid to say that I'm scared to lose you. Cos' it's true.
You should know I got alot of stuff to tell you. But I didn't right? Cos' once I tell you my problems and how I feel, it will definitely affect and you will get distracted. You should understand why I am comtemplating between whether to tell you anot. I dont know how to explain in words but try to put yourself in my shoes.
This post is for you boy. I hope you'll get to see it.
It's the third day already.
From since, I have not been smiling. I have not been laughing. I have not been paying attention. I have not been talking. I have not been myself. I tried to fake a smile when I see my friends in the morning and wear it till I end school. But sometimes, I'm just too tired to maintain that smile on my face. When I'm on the bus alone heading home, tears would just automatically well up in my eyes.
At night, around 10 o clock. My heart would act as an alarm clock cos it would just start to ache. I have no idea why but it just remind me of the that day. I dont talk muck now. I write more these few days. Not a diary, but homework. I have been using homework to numb my feelings.
There are lot of things going through my mind. Not only at night, but also during lectures and tutorial too. But there's something weird about me. Whenever I see anybody laughing heartily on TV programmes, it would make me wanna cry even more. Weird right? I've lost faith in everything, including myself. I dont dare to believe in what I say to myself. I'm afraid that what I have always believe in isn't correct. I'm afraid of having high hopes. I'm afraid of failure. Well, I'm a coward. Afraid of this and that.
I can't be that girl I used to be anymore.
I seriously hate myself to the core. Seriously. I just can't do anything well. Useless is the word I should use to describe myself.
What more worst could happen to me? Failing grades, got dumped, no one to talk to and some others things I don't wish to share. I seriously don't find any meaning to live anymore. Sometimes, I hope I could just end everything.
This time, I really thought I found someone who understand me and will be there whenever I needed him. But well, I was wrong. History do repeat itself. Same old reason : O levels. While I'm having my Promos in 2 months time and I'm not blame it on you or whatsoever.I'm trying to put everything and anything aside.Stop Thinking and Just Work.
Mid year result is SO SO undesirable D:
GP - S
Chinese - A
Math - U
Physics - S
Economics - S
Geography - B
What does this shows? I need to put more effort.
I definitely needa buck up for my failing subjects man. I don't know what went wrong for Econs cos' it was considered one of my better subjects and I didn't expect it to fail. I hope I'm not gonna get this kind of result for my Promos and get retained :\ Well, for both physics and econs, I just needed one pathetic mark to pass D':
2 more months to Promos. Gotta start mugging, girl! :D
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i really do(: